Why Bother?

“The competitor to be feared is one who never bothers about you at all, but goes on making his own business better all the time.” – Henry Ford

Some days if I watch the news (which I rarely do) or read the paper (which I also rarely do) or hear from friends on either end of the political spectrum and all points in between, about the things happening in the world, I sink into depression about my own writing. As you know, I write mostly memoir. Twenty-Six Point Freaking Two, the memoir I’m currently shopping to independent publishers, recounts my journey from mentally unstable couch potato to somewhat less mentally unstable marathoner.

Before that book, I spent a decade writing a memoir (still unpublished) about the last year of my father’s life. I’ve also written about my relationship with my mother and about an unusual situation in which a man lived on our sofa for two years when I was a child. My drawer of unpublished manuscripts also includes three novels, all romance-ish, but none involving topics of great importance. So when I learn of things happening in the “real” world, I sit at my desk and wonder why I bother. With chronic depression and extreme anxiety, becoming too involved does not suit my mental health. I’m not going to take up political writing or letters to the editor. Is my writing a waste of time?

But it dawned on me that, if nothing else, writing helps me heal my own world. I’m transformed when I connect with another person through words on a page. In writing all those books, the reading I’ve done and the writing itself, has made me a better person. It has given me a sense of purpose when I felt I had none. It’s given me a voice, forced me to think carefully about how I feel about certain subjects, and introduced me to worlds I would otherwise not know.

Hopefully, when the running book comes to fruition, it will also help others. As my friend, author Pat Snyder put it when I asked her why a publisher might want to publish my book, “You so believe in the healing power of running that you will bring to book promotion the same perseverance you showed in running those marathons.” That’s my intention.

But more importantly, this same theme is true of writing. I so believe in the healing power of writing that I will bring to my teaching and my publishing the same perseverance I have showed in continuing to write for twenty years with only limited success. It’s not always about the product.

So if you’re out there wondering if anything you are doing on the page will make a difference, ask yourself if it makes a difference to you. Yes, perhaps, like me, you hope to influence some people or to make a change in the world or at least entertain people and distract them for a bit. But more importantly, is writing saving your life the way it has saved mine? I’m pretty sure I know the answer.

Conversations with Jackie

Conversations with Jackie

Released 50 years early in honor of the 50th Anniversary of the Kennedy Presidency on permission of daughter Caroline, Conversations on Life With John F. Kenney interviews by Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr. provide only a bit of insight into the life of Jacqueline and J.F.K. I listened on CD and, aside from the New England accent, Jacqueline Kennedy could have been Marilyn Monroe with her breathy voice and her adoration of J.F.K. I wish I knew my history better, but I couldn’t place most of the people that were asked about and who she discussed and so the subtleties were lost on me. I did, however, take note of the fact that, as Caroline mentioned in the introduction, Jacqueline felt her job was to make her husband happy, to bear and raise his children, and to stay out of politics. She would later change these views and embrace feminism whole-heartedly, but this was 1963 and she was a young woman still so fresh in the shadow of losing the man she loved.

For the conspiracy theorists, there was no mention of Lyndon Johnson master-minding the assassination although it was clear that they did not care for him. In fact, Jacqueline stated quite clearly that Johnson was not selected as V.P. candidate to enhance the ticket, but rather because J.F.K. thought he would be much less dangerous there than as Senate Majority Leader, the position he held prior to the campaign.

For the gossip columnists, there was no mention of Marilyn or any of J.F.K.’s other alleged lovers and also no mention of Jacqueline’s supposed retaliatory affair with William Holden.

Overall Jackie was elegant if sometimes snobbish, and very convinced in her judgments of people and of the positions she stated that J.F.K. held. There were several brief appearances by John, Jr. and Caroline, but as always, they were protected.

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